Rated M For Mature (I'm not even joking this time)

In case you didn't figure out by the title, this game is absolutely NOT for children.

Ah Grand Theft Auto; fast cars, faster women, all the murderous weapons you can load and fire, and the “Crime does not pay” ending. Nothing says “let’s pretend to be criminals” like an appropriate criminal ending right? Oh but if only there were a game were you could be a crime lord to your heart’s content with absolutely no consequences. Well lucky for you there’s this:

Crime Craft (AKA Bleed Out) tells the shocking, horrific, and surprisingly accurate story of The United States in a future where we never stopped depending on foreign oil. The economy collapsed, the government abandoned its people and now everything is ruled by gangs which mean sex, drugs, and murder, reign supreme.

Don’t be pulled in by the GTA environment and promises of strip clubs though. Sadly in all seriousness this game is complete crap. It’s a 3^rd Person Shooter that tried to use the same dodge mechanic as S4 league only more realistic, and by realistic I mean useless. Unlike S4 you’re better off ducking behind cover and playing this Gears of War style, not that you have a choice, the game lags so bad that any attempt to play this game Halo style will result in a sniper round through the head. Even on the lowest graphics setting and the highest mouse sensitivity I still had delay and my shots were so inaccurate it actually took me 2 attempts to do each of the starting missions because I kept running out of ammo, and that’s on the easy setting.

What I find funny about this game is that the NPCs actually have the ability to rage, some of them curse more than players, using dirty words even multiple times in a single sentence. There’s going for a sense of realism, and then there’s just over kill, but it must work because I found myself chasing after a guy in a blind rage after he said “I should go shove [censored] [censored] [censored] up my mom’s [censored] [censored] and that he’s seen better [censored] on a [censored] camel”

Crime Craft is by no means an enjoyable game to play, and honestly it’s trying a little TOO much to be “Hardcore.” If I wanted to play a game where I get cussed at all match I’d go back to playing League of Legends; at least their bots don’t talk.

Bleed Out (Crime Craft) gets a 1 out of 10, and the honor of receiving my “most unpleasant MMO ever played” award.

A Game For Ventriloquists Everywhere

I’m honestly surprised that Gpotato still remembers my account name, considering how long it’s been since I touched one of their games, but I got an open beta invitation in my email, and since I’ve had nothing to play the past month besides Eden Eternal I figured “why not?”

The game in question is Prius Online, AKA Anima-Redux, AKA “why the hell did you name it that?!” The story of comes in a fabulous shade of blue Online is actually one of the weirder ones. In the opening cinematic a pedophile with a large sword performs a demonic ritual to save the life of his dying child lover, only to have the under aged CP star go on a bloody rampage and bring the whole world to ruin. Years later you play the role of one of these admired pedophiles that loses his memory after a futile attack on an enemy strong hold. Your child lover is taken away and you forgot you ever had a loli-complex in the first place. All joking aside the prologue of this game looks like it would be better off in an elder scrolls game than a MMO since every other player also has the same back story. I mean come on one of the most trivial flaws in a MMORPG's creation is giving the multiplayer game a singleplayer story, you’d think one of the latest games to come out would have fixed that.

-But I digress, after starting the game and sitting through the LONGEST loading time in a MMO to date I finally got to start playing, and was almost immediately disappointed when I saw what I like to call “Stereotypical Classes,” or better put classes that determine what race you will be. There are only about 5 classes in the game, and each determine not only what race you will be but also what gender; this my friends is a GREAT BIG NO! Stereotypical Classes take away the most important part of a MMORPG, and that’s the RPG part. People don’t want to be forced to play a specific way, they want to play as themselves in the way that they like to play. It’s astounding just how many basic errors slightly smaller than a Hummer Online has made up to this point.

Inside the game there’s a “Final Fantasy” aura about it; of course that could just be because the character I made looks like a sky pirate from FF XII. Sadly after about an hour and a half of grind quests I couldn’t help but feel I was simply playing a much worse version of World of Warcraft. It’s like everything about this game was taken from wow and made pants on head retarded just like the NPCs horrible ability to talk. There really wasn’t anything special about -Facepalm- doooh Online in fact it was downright lame.

[Insert Jeff Dunham Joke Here] Online gets a (well) deserved 2 out of 10

The game just really isn’t my cup of tea, speaking of which my morning tea is finished so I’m wrapping up this review.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNz1itJ1pd8) Thanks for being such a sport JD!

The Garden of Eternal

Once again I find myself breaking my sacred vow of Aeria Abstinence; returning as a result of a not so closed Closed Beta invitation; the better half of me wanted to ignore it, however I’m a critic first, a gamer second, and a last and probably least, a man who picks favorites…So I headed back once again ready to give yet another Aeria game a stare down-

-But wait a minute, what is this? Eden Eternal is actually GOOD? And I don’t mean like DOMO where it’s good but with a lot of flaws , but I mean it’s really REALLY good. EE is probably the BEST thing I’ve seen come out of Aeria Games.

In Eden Eternal you play the role of a human, and once open beta comes around one of the many inhabitance of the world. Before humans came to the world it was inhabited by numerous Best-folk like races. However the differences of these races were too vast and the result was a massive war. It was only after humans arrived that peace was established, a very welcomed alternative to the "humans are responsible for all the worlds troubles" rpgs. In this game humans are the direct dissidence of the gods and are born from crystals like something out of final fantasy. The armor in this game doesn’t change how your character actually looks. You have preset outfits in each class, every 20 or so levels you get new outfits, though you can choose which one you prefer. Also all the outfits are completely color customizable using dyes you get from quests, npcs, and the item mall (real money mall); so while this game has hardly any customization, it’s still difficult to find two people who look the exact same.

Speaking of levels, they’re split between your character level and your class level. Unlike with DOMO were you only have 1 level and it resets with every class. Your character level never goes down and effects mainly your stats while your class level effects mostly what skills you can use, however character level also has its own skills and classes do alter your stats a bit.

While this game has no PvP short of a duel button that is so untouched it's practically gathering cobwebs, you do spend more time fighting npc versions of the other races then the few actual monsters in the world. There are also lots of dungeons and instances that require lots of teamwork, which can quickly make this game feel like an anime version of DnDO. If I truly hate anything about this game its that the quests are tedious, they're not time consuming grind quests, however the item drop rate could be a bit better, and you'd think when harvesting items from plants and such instead of killing for them that the drop ratio would be 1:1, but it's actually more like 1:7 which I think makes no since at all...

Anyway Eden Eternal scores a 8 out of 10 possibly one of the best scores I have ever (and will ever) give a game from Aeria Games so I hope it’s proud of itself.